TMC
2013-05-02 05:17:56 UTC
http://lebeauleblog.com/2013/05/01/what-the-hell-happened-to-thora-birch/
Thora Birch was a child actor who seemed to be making a successful
transition into more mature roles. For a brief time, she seemed
poised for a long and exciting career. And then almost immediately,
that career dried up. These days, she is known for being fired from a
Broadway play and having an over-bearing father/manager. Birch has
been banished to direct-to-video schlock and Lifetime movies.
Recently, there was an internet rumor that she was dead.
What the hell happened?
Birch comes from show biz parents. Jack Birch and Carol Connors were
“adult film stars”. They both appeared in infamous porno, Deep
Throat. They named Thora after the Norse god of thunder. Her younger
brother is named Bolt. Presumably after a thunder bolt rather than
the animated dog.
Must have been an interesting childhood. Reportedly, Birch’s parents
were reluctant to let their daughter get into show biz. Given their
histories, it’s easy to see why. Eventually, a nanny talked them into
auditioning their daughter for commercials. Here is Birch shilling
Quaker oatmeal with Wilfred Brimley:
That same year, Birch appeared in Purple People Eater. The family
film starred Neil Patrick Harris, Ned Beatty and Shelley Winters. It
was based on the 1958 novelty song of the same name because apparently
someone thought that the story of a one-eyed purple monster that eats
people needed to be adapted into a movie for children.
She also appeared in commercials for Burger King, California Raisins,
and Vlasic Pickles.
In 1988, at the age of six, Birch landed a role in the short-lived
sitcom, Day by Day.
After the success of NBC’s family comedies, The Cosby Show and Family
Ties, TV was awash in wholesome situation comedies. Growing Pains was
a cheap copy of Family Ties. And Day by Day was a knock off of
Growing Pains. The cast included Birch, Courtney Thorne-Smith and
Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
In the late 80′s and early nineties, Birch made guest appearances on
TV shows like Doogie Howser (pictured above), Married People and
Amen.
From 1990-1991, Birch appeared in the first TV adaptation of the Steve
Martin movie, Parenthood. Despite good reviews, Parenthood only
lasted one season.
Birch returned to the big screen in 1991 in the country drama,
Paradise, which starred Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. Birch was
joined by child actor and future hobbit, Elijah Wood.
Later that year, Birch starred in the holiday not-so-classic, All I
Want for Christmas. She played a precocious child with an elaborate
scheme to have Santa Claus reunite her divorced parents. Believe it
or not, this was a real movie that was actually released in theaters
and not some basic cable movie of the week. Currently, All I Want for
Christmas has a rare 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
In 1992, Birch appeared opposite Harrison Ford and Anne Archer in
Phillip Noyce’s adaptation of the Tom Clancy novel, Patriot Games.
Ford replaced Alec Baldwin in the second Jack Ryan film. Birch played
Ford’s daughter. The plot centered around Ryan’s family being placed
in jeopardy.
Patriot Games received mostly good reviews and was a hit at the box
office.
In 1993, Birch appeared opposite Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker
and Kathy Najimy in the Halloween not-so-classic, Hocus Pocus.
Hocus Pocus was originally intended to be a cheap Disney Channel movie
of the week. But someone got the idea to cast Midler and release it
in theaters. In spite of the larger budget, it still feels very
“basic cable”. It got bad reviews and flopped at the box office.
Surprisingly, Hocus Pocus has developed a cult following over the
years. It has become an annual stable on the Disney Channel, where it
probably belonged all along.
In 1994, Birch starred opposite Harvey Keitel and a Capuchin monkey in
Monkey Trouble.
Someone assumed that putting a cute kid and a monkey on screen
together would be box office gold. But Monkey Trouble received mixed
reviews and disappointed at the box office.
Later that year, she reprised her role as Sally Ryan in Ford and
Noyce’s final Jack Ryan film, Clear and Present Danger. Reviews for
Clear and Present Danger were better than they were for Patriot Games
and the movie was the biggest hit of the series.
In 1995, Birch appeared as part of an ensemble in Now and Then.
Now and Then told the story of four childhood friends played by
promising child actors like Birch and Christina Ricci as kids and by
Hollywood leading ladies as adults. Birch’s character grew up to be
her Paradise co-star, Melanie Griffith. Although in retrospect, she
turned out more like Demi Moore.
Despite bad reviews, Now and Then was a modest hit.
In 1996, Birch starred in the family adventure, Alaska. The movie is
about a couple of children who search the Alaskan wilderness for their
lost father. Perhaps Birch should ask Deep Throat where he’s been.
Sorry, I couldn’t pass that one up. I am weak. Despite positive
reviews, Alaska flopped at the box office.
Around this time, Birch was also making guest appearances on TV shows
like The Outer Limits, Promised Land, and Touched by an Angel. Then
she took a brief break from acting.
In 1999, at the age of 17, Birch returned to acting in the TV movie,
Night Ride Home.
Birch was originally cast in a supporting role in Alexander Payne’s
comedy, Election. She left the movie after three days of shooting due
to the dreaded “creative differences”. Years later, it’s easy to
speculate that this was a result of her meddling manager/father.
Later that year, Birch had a star-making role in Sam Mendes’ award-
winning drama, American Beauty.
Birch played a high school cheerleader who is mortified when her dad,
played by Kevin Spacey, starts flirting with her best friend played by
Mena Suvari. She also has a creepy boyfriend played by Wes Bentley
who has an obsession with filming everything.
In spite of being under age, Birch filmed a nude scene. (Just try to
do an image search without finding it.) Hard to imagine her parents
signing off on that one… Okay, maybe not.
American Beauty got great reviews and won several awards including
Best Picture. All of the young actors were surrounded by buzz. Even
Bentley. All of the awards hype helped make Beauty a box office
smash. But all of the film’s stars would struggle to duplicate its
success.
Birch also had a small, uncredited role in the Natalie Portman/Susan
Sarandon drama, Anywhere But Here.
The following year, Birch had a supporting role in the indie film, The
Smokers.
Later in 2000, Birch played royalty in the fantasy film, Dungeons and
Dragons.
D&D was based on a popular role playing game familiar to nerds
everywhere. The cast included Marlon Wayans and Jeremy Irons who was
cashing in big time on his Oscar win. Reviews were terrible and the
movie flopped. Fanboys who had waited for decades for a D&D movie
wept openly.
In 2001, Birch starred opposite a then-unknown Keira Knightley in the
British horror movie, The Hole.
The film centers on four friends who skip a school field trip in favor
of a private party in an abandoned bunker. Things go horribly wrong
as they are locked in the bunker and no one knows where they are. The
story is told in flashbacks as Birch’s character slowly works through
the trauma. Each time she tells the story, the tone changes and new
details emerge.
The Hole received mixed reviews, but it’s worth checking out on video
or Netflix.
Later that year, Birch starred opposite a then-unknown Scarlett
Johansson and the always terrific Steve Buscemi in Terry Zwigoff’s
indie comedy, Ghost World.
Birch and Johansson played friends whose lives go in separate
directions during the summer after high school. Birch’s character
befriends a lonely middle-aged man played by Buscemi. She spends the
summer trying to set him up on dates. Trust me, it’s better than it
sounds.
In spite of really good reviews, Ghost World wasn’t a hit at the box
office. However, it has developed a cult following. One more richly
deserved than Hocus Pocus.
After Ghost World, Birch retreated to TV movies. In 2002, she starred
in the Fox horror show, Night Visions. Her episode was collected into
a TV movie which aired on the Sci Fi Channel (back when they spelled
it the right way.) In 2003, Birch turned to Lifetime for the TV
movie, Homeless to Harvard: The Liz Murray Story. As Lifetime movies
go, it must have been pretty good as it was nominated for several
Emmys including one for Birch.
In 2004, Birch had a small role in John Sayles’ political comedy,
Silver City. Chris Cooper played a George W. Bush surrogate. Birch
played an assistant to an underground reporter plated by Tim Roth.
Silver City was released while Bush was running for re-election. But
it received an exceptionally limited release. It played in 162
theaters in the US. Reviews were mixed.
In 2006, Birch started starring in direct-to-video horror movies with
Dark Corners. Birch played two characters each of whom believes the
other is a dream. She followed it up with Train in 2008. Train was
originally slapped with an NC-17 rating before being cut down to an
R. In 2009, she starred opposite Brittany Murphy in the horror film,
Deadline.
Also in 2009, Birch starred in the crime drama, Winter of Frozen
Dreams.
The New York Post broke the story of Birch’s father crashing the movie
set to oversee the filming of her sex scenes:
“It was so wrong,” said one insider. “The director is saying, ‘Harder!
Faster!’ and the father is giving Winters the thumbs up.”
Jack Birch was on the set every day giving orders – even telling
director Eric Mandelbaum where to place his camera so that Thora would
look her best.
Mandelbaum was about to shoot the first sex scene when, “all of a
sudden, the front door is being kicked in. Her father was threatening
to kill the assistant directors. Then he threatens to pull her from
the movie with three days of shooting left.”
Making matters worse, a problem with the focus on the camera
necessitated 14 takes.
“It was the most bizarre, perverse scene,” said our witness. “One girl
on the crew broke down crying.”
With Birch’s career already in freefall, the last thing she needed was
bad press about her father/manager making her hard to work with.
In 2010, Birch starred in her second Lifetime movie, Pregnancy Pact.
The movie was based on a real life news story about a group of high
school girls who apparently made a pact to get pregnant together.
Believe it or not, this was one of the highest-rated movies on
Lifetime that year. Who watches this stuff?
Later that year, Birch’s career was dealt a crippling blow. She was
scheduled to make her NY stage debut in an Off Broadway revival of
Dracula. Four days before the play was supposed to open, Birch was
fired and asked to leave the theater immediately.
Once again, Jack Birch had been supervising every detail of his
daughter’s performance during rehearsals. When he saw another actor
giving Birch a back rub, he demanded that the actor stop. The actor
in question explained that he was following directions from the play’s
director, Paul Alexander.
Reportedly, Jack Birch told the actor, “Listen, man, I’m trying to
make this easier on you – don’t touch her.” The actor felt that
Birch’s tone was threatening. This lead to Thora Birch being
terminated, The New York Times ran the story. Since then, Birch has
been virtually exiled.
So, what the hell happened?
It’s hard enough for a child actor to transition into more mature
roles. Birch seemed to be making that transition better than most.
But any chance she had was ruined by her father who has developed a
reputation of being a nightmare to deal with. She’s like Dustin
Hoffman in Tootsie: No one will hire her.
If not for her dad, I imagine Birch would have had a career like
Christina Ricci. She probably never would have made the A-list. But
she would probably still be working.
Thora Birch was a child actor who seemed to be making a successful
transition into more mature roles. For a brief time, she seemed
poised for a long and exciting career. And then almost immediately,
that career dried up. These days, she is known for being fired from a
Broadway play and having an over-bearing father/manager. Birch has
been banished to direct-to-video schlock and Lifetime movies.
Recently, there was an internet rumor that she was dead.
What the hell happened?
Birch comes from show biz parents. Jack Birch and Carol Connors were
“adult film stars”. They both appeared in infamous porno, Deep
Throat. They named Thora after the Norse god of thunder. Her younger
brother is named Bolt. Presumably after a thunder bolt rather than
the animated dog.
Must have been an interesting childhood. Reportedly, Birch’s parents
were reluctant to let their daughter get into show biz. Given their
histories, it’s easy to see why. Eventually, a nanny talked them into
auditioning their daughter for commercials. Here is Birch shilling
Quaker oatmeal with Wilfred Brimley:
That same year, Birch appeared in Purple People Eater. The family
film starred Neil Patrick Harris, Ned Beatty and Shelley Winters. It
was based on the 1958 novelty song of the same name because apparently
someone thought that the story of a one-eyed purple monster that eats
people needed to be adapted into a movie for children.
She also appeared in commercials for Burger King, California Raisins,
and Vlasic Pickles.
In 1988, at the age of six, Birch landed a role in the short-lived
sitcom, Day by Day.
After the success of NBC’s family comedies, The Cosby Show and Family
Ties, TV was awash in wholesome situation comedies. Growing Pains was
a cheap copy of Family Ties. And Day by Day was a knock off of
Growing Pains. The cast included Birch, Courtney Thorne-Smith and
Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
In the late 80′s and early nineties, Birch made guest appearances on
TV shows like Doogie Howser (pictured above), Married People and
Amen.
From 1990-1991, Birch appeared in the first TV adaptation of the Steve
Martin movie, Parenthood. Despite good reviews, Parenthood only
lasted one season.
Birch returned to the big screen in 1991 in the country drama,
Paradise, which starred Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. Birch was
joined by child actor and future hobbit, Elijah Wood.
Later that year, Birch starred in the holiday not-so-classic, All I
Want for Christmas. She played a precocious child with an elaborate
scheme to have Santa Claus reunite her divorced parents. Believe it
or not, this was a real movie that was actually released in theaters
and not some basic cable movie of the week. Currently, All I Want for
Christmas has a rare 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
In 1992, Birch appeared opposite Harrison Ford and Anne Archer in
Phillip Noyce’s adaptation of the Tom Clancy novel, Patriot Games.
Ford replaced Alec Baldwin in the second Jack Ryan film. Birch played
Ford’s daughter. The plot centered around Ryan’s family being placed
in jeopardy.
Patriot Games received mostly good reviews and was a hit at the box
office.
In 1993, Birch appeared opposite Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker
and Kathy Najimy in the Halloween not-so-classic, Hocus Pocus.
Hocus Pocus was originally intended to be a cheap Disney Channel movie
of the week. But someone got the idea to cast Midler and release it
in theaters. In spite of the larger budget, it still feels very
“basic cable”. It got bad reviews and flopped at the box office.
Surprisingly, Hocus Pocus has developed a cult following over the
years. It has become an annual stable on the Disney Channel, where it
probably belonged all along.
In 1994, Birch starred opposite Harvey Keitel and a Capuchin monkey in
Monkey Trouble.
Someone assumed that putting a cute kid and a monkey on screen
together would be box office gold. But Monkey Trouble received mixed
reviews and disappointed at the box office.
Later that year, she reprised her role as Sally Ryan in Ford and
Noyce’s final Jack Ryan film, Clear and Present Danger. Reviews for
Clear and Present Danger were better than they were for Patriot Games
and the movie was the biggest hit of the series.
In 1995, Birch appeared as part of an ensemble in Now and Then.
Now and Then told the story of four childhood friends played by
promising child actors like Birch and Christina Ricci as kids and by
Hollywood leading ladies as adults. Birch’s character grew up to be
her Paradise co-star, Melanie Griffith. Although in retrospect, she
turned out more like Demi Moore.
Despite bad reviews, Now and Then was a modest hit.
In 1996, Birch starred in the family adventure, Alaska. The movie is
about a couple of children who search the Alaskan wilderness for their
lost father. Perhaps Birch should ask Deep Throat where he’s been.
Sorry, I couldn’t pass that one up. I am weak. Despite positive
reviews, Alaska flopped at the box office.
Around this time, Birch was also making guest appearances on TV shows
like The Outer Limits, Promised Land, and Touched by an Angel. Then
she took a brief break from acting.
In 1999, at the age of 17, Birch returned to acting in the TV movie,
Night Ride Home.
Birch was originally cast in a supporting role in Alexander Payne’s
comedy, Election. She left the movie after three days of shooting due
to the dreaded “creative differences”. Years later, it’s easy to
speculate that this was a result of her meddling manager/father.
Later that year, Birch had a star-making role in Sam Mendes’ award-
winning drama, American Beauty.
Birch played a high school cheerleader who is mortified when her dad,
played by Kevin Spacey, starts flirting with her best friend played by
Mena Suvari. She also has a creepy boyfriend played by Wes Bentley
who has an obsession with filming everything.
In spite of being under age, Birch filmed a nude scene. (Just try to
do an image search without finding it.) Hard to imagine her parents
signing off on that one… Okay, maybe not.
American Beauty got great reviews and won several awards including
Best Picture. All of the young actors were surrounded by buzz. Even
Bentley. All of the awards hype helped make Beauty a box office
smash. But all of the film’s stars would struggle to duplicate its
success.
Birch also had a small, uncredited role in the Natalie Portman/Susan
Sarandon drama, Anywhere But Here.
The following year, Birch had a supporting role in the indie film, The
Smokers.
Later in 2000, Birch played royalty in the fantasy film, Dungeons and
Dragons.
D&D was based on a popular role playing game familiar to nerds
everywhere. The cast included Marlon Wayans and Jeremy Irons who was
cashing in big time on his Oscar win. Reviews were terrible and the
movie flopped. Fanboys who had waited for decades for a D&D movie
wept openly.
In 2001, Birch starred opposite a then-unknown Keira Knightley in the
British horror movie, The Hole.
The film centers on four friends who skip a school field trip in favor
of a private party in an abandoned bunker. Things go horribly wrong
as they are locked in the bunker and no one knows where they are. The
story is told in flashbacks as Birch’s character slowly works through
the trauma. Each time she tells the story, the tone changes and new
details emerge.
The Hole received mixed reviews, but it’s worth checking out on video
or Netflix.
Later that year, Birch starred opposite a then-unknown Scarlett
Johansson and the always terrific Steve Buscemi in Terry Zwigoff’s
indie comedy, Ghost World.
Birch and Johansson played friends whose lives go in separate
directions during the summer after high school. Birch’s character
befriends a lonely middle-aged man played by Buscemi. She spends the
summer trying to set him up on dates. Trust me, it’s better than it
sounds.
In spite of really good reviews, Ghost World wasn’t a hit at the box
office. However, it has developed a cult following. One more richly
deserved than Hocus Pocus.
After Ghost World, Birch retreated to TV movies. In 2002, she starred
in the Fox horror show, Night Visions. Her episode was collected into
a TV movie which aired on the Sci Fi Channel (back when they spelled
it the right way.) In 2003, Birch turned to Lifetime for the TV
movie, Homeless to Harvard: The Liz Murray Story. As Lifetime movies
go, it must have been pretty good as it was nominated for several
Emmys including one for Birch.
In 2004, Birch had a small role in John Sayles’ political comedy,
Silver City. Chris Cooper played a George W. Bush surrogate. Birch
played an assistant to an underground reporter plated by Tim Roth.
Silver City was released while Bush was running for re-election. But
it received an exceptionally limited release. It played in 162
theaters in the US. Reviews were mixed.
In 2006, Birch started starring in direct-to-video horror movies with
Dark Corners. Birch played two characters each of whom believes the
other is a dream. She followed it up with Train in 2008. Train was
originally slapped with an NC-17 rating before being cut down to an
R. In 2009, she starred opposite Brittany Murphy in the horror film,
Deadline.
Also in 2009, Birch starred in the crime drama, Winter of Frozen
Dreams.
The New York Post broke the story of Birch’s father crashing the movie
set to oversee the filming of her sex scenes:
“It was so wrong,” said one insider. “The director is saying, ‘Harder!
Faster!’ and the father is giving Winters the thumbs up.”
Jack Birch was on the set every day giving orders – even telling
director Eric Mandelbaum where to place his camera so that Thora would
look her best.
Mandelbaum was about to shoot the first sex scene when, “all of a
sudden, the front door is being kicked in. Her father was threatening
to kill the assistant directors. Then he threatens to pull her from
the movie with three days of shooting left.”
Making matters worse, a problem with the focus on the camera
necessitated 14 takes.
“It was the most bizarre, perverse scene,” said our witness. “One girl
on the crew broke down crying.”
With Birch’s career already in freefall, the last thing she needed was
bad press about her father/manager making her hard to work with.
In 2010, Birch starred in her second Lifetime movie, Pregnancy Pact.
The movie was based on a real life news story about a group of high
school girls who apparently made a pact to get pregnant together.
Believe it or not, this was one of the highest-rated movies on
Lifetime that year. Who watches this stuff?
Later that year, Birch’s career was dealt a crippling blow. She was
scheduled to make her NY stage debut in an Off Broadway revival of
Dracula. Four days before the play was supposed to open, Birch was
fired and asked to leave the theater immediately.
Once again, Jack Birch had been supervising every detail of his
daughter’s performance during rehearsals. When he saw another actor
giving Birch a back rub, he demanded that the actor stop. The actor
in question explained that he was following directions from the play’s
director, Paul Alexander.
Reportedly, Jack Birch told the actor, “Listen, man, I’m trying to
make this easier on you – don’t touch her.” The actor felt that
Birch’s tone was threatening. This lead to Thora Birch being
terminated, The New York Times ran the story. Since then, Birch has
been virtually exiled.
So, what the hell happened?
It’s hard enough for a child actor to transition into more mature
roles. Birch seemed to be making that transition better than most.
But any chance she had was ruined by her father who has developed a
reputation of being a nightmare to deal with. She’s like Dustin
Hoffman in Tootsie: No one will hire her.
If not for her dad, I imagine Birch would have had a career like
Christina Ricci. She probably never would have made the A-list. But
she would probably still be working.